How to Stop Coddling the Emotions of Your Kids
Today, I have a special guest, Dr. David Murphy. David is one of the world’s leaders in working with children, young adults and families and helping them with their struggles, utilizing time management and organization. He consults with families and addresses the needs of students at all grade levels have been diagnosed with challenges like Asperger’s, non-verbal learning disabilities, social emotional disabilities, ADHD, and all types of challenges related to this time management organization.
Dr. Murphy received his Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in Special Education from the University of Connecticut and is nearing completion of his second Master’s degree in Special Education from Southern Connecticut State University. He earned his Doctorate in Education at Northeastern University.
In our conversation, we get into all sorts of details related to the issues that are facing children, from young children through middle school, and high school. These are things that I have been personally trying to become an expert on with my family. if you have a child at any one of these stages, stay tuned because some of the things that David brings up completely rock my world and they will yours as well.
We discuss topics like, How do you not coddle the emotions of your kids?’, What does that mean with child rearing and growing kids that are emotionally resilient?’, How do you, as a parent, not be afraid of your children failing?’, and How do you underpin family values and a lot of the strategies you deploy as a parent.?’ We also go into how you unhinge limiting beliefs with kids, how you establish a thinking about your thinking; and how you develop the patterns of emotional behavior so that they can be resilient in the face of uncertainty, in the face of doubt, in the face of failure and failing? And, finally, what is the effect of the digital generation on how you help your kids navigate and help families navigate FOMO, the fear of missing out’ effect – with the phone and other digital distractions.
Dr. Murphy shares techniques, strategies and tactics of how you can deploy the right type of approaches to support your family values as it relates to this digital age and how to raise resilient, emotionally very, very strong and powerful children. I hope you enjoy this incredible interview that I had with Dr. David Murphy.
Here are some Important TakeAways from this Interview:
What are some of the big mistakes parents make today?
- Way to much attention to towards coddling the emotions. There is a visceral fear of doing anything uncomfortable.
- Parents outsource parenting. Parents work hard and come home exhausted. It’s easier to ignore than it is to engage, discuss, punish, etc. Too many fathers want to be friends with their child. They give up their role as the alpha male and therefore loose valuable opportunities to guide, mentor, and discipline.
- Parents are afraid to see their children fail. At an early age, children need to celebrate failure, celebrate risk taking, celebrate mistakes. We live in a culture that fosters perfection.
- Justifying excuses and fostering family values. Parenting is hard. Doing it right takes time and attention, and the willingness to take risks and make mistakes.
As early as we can, we need to help our children to see through limited beliefs and excuses and practice and demonstrate “family values”. In my family, my kids know that the word “can’t” is not allowed. Try to connect with them on eye level and use phrases like this to foster family values, “In this family we work together and help each other”, “In this family, we don’t give up”, “In this family we make mistakes and learn from them”.
Too many children love their excuses and turn their excuses into beliefs. “I hate to read”, “I am not a morning person”, “I hate broccoli”, “I can’t do math”, “I can’t do it”.
For parents of teenagers, how do you break through their Snowflake mindset?
Teach them to:
- Start making their own decisions.
- Stop making excuses. Get up each morning, take a cold shower, and face the fears of the day.
- Set some goals that scare you.
- Look people in the eye.
- Give firm handshakes.
- Tell their parents, “Thank you”.
- Take on the burden of greater responsibility. At the age of 4 your child can do more than you imagine. Give them the chance. Chores are the most amazing opportunity to foster grit, family values, and a strong connection to a greater self.
Parents need to know that it’s going to be okay and kids need to hear that. Just because you fail at something doesn’t mean you’re a failure!
Dr. David Murphy became attuned to the challenges many students face through his twenty years of work in the field of special education supporting the needs of students with a wide range of disabilities. He taught for more than a decade before becoming a school administrator, ultimately running private specialized schools for children with Non-Verbal Learning Disabilities, Attention Deficit Disorders, Learning Disabilities and Social Anxiety Disorders.
Dr. Murphy received his bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in Special Education from the University of Connecticut. He earned a second Master’s degree in Special Education Administration from Southern Connecticut State University. He completed his studies at Northeastern University where he earned a Doctoral degree in Education.
After completing his doctorate, Dr. Murphy combined his extensive experience within schools with his advanced degree training and began consulting directly to families, students and adults. He consults with families and addresses the needs of students in all grade levels who have been diagnosed with such challenges as Asperger’s Disorder, Non-Verbal Learning Disabilities (NVLD), Social/Emotional Disabilities, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Learning Disabilities (LD) and students who simply struggle with time management and organization.
He currently lives in Duxbury, Massachusetts with his wife and two young children. He is an avid runner and loves spending time with his family and friends.
How to get in touch with Dr. David Murphy
Books/Publications Mentioned in Interview:
- Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know, by Meg Meeker. Published by Regnery Publishing, Inc., 2006.
This episode is sponsored by the CIO Innovation Forum, dedicated to Business Digital Leaders who want to be a part of 20% of the planet and help their businesses win with innovation and transformation.
* Outro music provided by Ben’s Sound
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